An Update of Sorts

I wanted to stop in here and give a brief update of what's been happening, although not much has been happening. I did receive an email from Jenna (I do love her, she's quick to respond and always helpful). Here are the answers to my questions: 

Question 1. If we wanted more information on someone - like more pictures - is that information we could get from you? There's one donor that we are interested in, but her pictures all look like they were taken on the same day, and it's difficult to know what she really looks like.

Her reply: YES, I’m happy to help. Actually, our program manager will be the one to solicit pictures & any additional questions you may have. Please reach out to Sam directly at -------------.

So I emailed Sam and she replied that she contacted the donor about getting more pictures and would let me know when she got a reply. This was on Friday, and we still haven't heard from that donor. More on that later...

Question 2: If we choose a donor who does not want future contact, but we have paid all of these legal fees for an open arrangement, is that money lost? Or are the legal fees the same regardless of the type of contract being issued? 

Her reply: There is no additional cost for an anonymous agreement. If you select an anonymous egg donor, I recommend reaching out to Michelle regarding whether she is willing to waive her fee. I’ll contact her office also.

I don't like this answer. I doubt there are additional fees for an anonymous agreement. In fact, I bet it's cheaper. So technically, we would be losing money for choosing an anonymous donor because we've already paid to have an open donor. I guess it doesn't really matter at this point. We're probably talking a couple hundred dollars. 

Question 3: Or if we do choose a donor and do an open arrangement contract, do we have to pay another $500 for her debriefing with her lawyer? I know our retainer letter with our lawyer said that they would issue up to one more contract at no extra cost, but it hit me that we may have just paid $500 for our ex-donor to tell her lawyer that she doesn't want to donate anymore. 

Her reply: Sounds as though they would work with another donor without additional charges.

It sounds like this is going to be a question for the lawyer, but hopefully they'll work with me. 

Question 4: Are the costs of using a proven donor the same as using a new donor in regards to getting her testing completed? Obviously the compensation is different, but again, did we lose money on paying for our last donor to get her testing, counseling, etc. done? 

Here reply: Yes, there are no fees to screen a new donor.

Okay...good to know!

Okay so other than all of that, we've just been looking at donors. We've been arguing a bit. There is one girl that Ryan really likes, and I just don't. She's the girl previously mentioned that we're trying to get more pictures of. She actually seems great in a lot of ways, but she just doesn't seem right. For one, she doesn't look like me much at all. She's pretty chubby and has super curly hair. She seems smart, funny (in fact, she's a comedian), and is willing to have future contact, but there's just something that doesn't seem right. And then the fact that she hasn't replied back to Sam's email about more pictures---well that's a deal breaker for me. I need someone who's going to be reliable. Sorry, I've just been burned and I'm not taking any chances. But we have some others that we like. In fact, we found a couple more last night that we both like a lot. Both of them are proven donors though, so they are going to cost more money in compensation. One of them is $1,000 more and the other is $4,000 more. Obviously we can't afford another $4,000, but the thing is she's only completed one cycle, which hasn't even resulted in a positive pregnancy test (the intended parents did a freeze all for a future FET), and she still bumped her compensation up to $9,000 instead of the usual $6,000. I just emailed Jenna to ask what is up with that and I'm hoping someone will tell me that was a mistake, or maybe they can convince the donor to drop her compensation or something...I really like this one a lot, but not for $9,000. 

So, we'll see. I'm ready to make a decision and move forward. Ryan is starting to drag his feet a little, which is making me sad. Please keep thinking and praying for us. This is such a tough journey for a marriage. He is a saint for sticking with me through all of this. 

Another Glitch

I will never feel guilty about sending an email or calling to check on the status of things again. I heard back from the lawyer (or the paralegal) regarding my email to them checking to see if they had heard anything from the donor's lawyer. She said that they were planning on having the consultation with the donor on Thursday. Luckily, she saw on my chart that our legals had to be complete by Friday to get the cycle going when we needed, so she did ask the other lawyer if they could move up the consultation to today. I have no idea if that will or can happen, but I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that transfer just probably isn't going to happen in April. Too many things have to fall into line for it to work out, and I just have my doubts.

It's not the end of the world, but I am still so disappointed. It's possible that I can just take some time off of work just after my Easter break, or maybe take a long weekend in early May. But most likely we'll just go with our original plan and go at the end of May when school is out. I know that will be the less stressful option, and it's just a matter of patience to get me there. I do have some other disappointments associated with waiting that late though. For example, if it's successful, the new baby's birthday would be in the same month as Anadine's birthday. Again, not the end of the world I know. Also it would mean not being through my first trimester in time for The Neshoba County Fair. If you are my friend, you know what a big deal this is for me. If you don't know me, or the Fair, I'll just explain it as this week long party in our family's cabin. It is my absolute favorite place, and it's a time when I get to see a lot of extended family. I was 9 weeks into my pregnancy with Anadine when I went to that fair, and I was miserable. Not just with the morning sickness, and not just the fact that I couldn't formally announce that we were pregnant (although people pretty much figured it out because I wasn't drinking and was going to bed at 9:00 every night) but because with any sort of IVF, you're still on all of these medications throughout the first trimester. I was taking progesterone suppositories (which also meant wearing a pad), and wearing estrogen patches. The fair happens the last week of July in Mississippi heat. You spend most of your time outside - and y'all it was just plain uncomfortable. I would much rather be bigger, but in my 2nd trimester by fair time. Yes, it would still mean not drinking and probably going to bed early, but I just think I would be so much better off. Again, none of this is the end of the world - it just adds to my disappointment that we probably aren't going to do this earlier.

I'm not counting myself out just yet, but I am getting myself prepared. I'm just so ready, but I know it will happen eventually and in the best time for us.

UPDATE:
I just got an email (after I emailed them- I told you I wasn't going to be shy anymore) from the paralegal that said the donor has moved her consultation to this afternoon! So now we pray she doesn't have a problem with the legals, so we can sign and be done with this part of it. And then we pray REALLY HARD that my period shows up. I am luckily showing lots of PMS signs, so maybe---just maybe---this may work out after all. Trying to not get my hopes up---yeah right!

You really have to be your own advocate

I continue to find that I have to keep up with my own sh** when dealing with SDFC. I really don't know how anyone goes through their first cycle of anything and gets it right the first time when using them. I am constantly emailing my nurse to ask if I need to be doing anything and her response is kind of like "well, yeah actually you are." I get that they have a million patients and can't keep up with everyone's story, but when dealing with someone like me, who is emailing every other day to give updates, ask questions, etc., you would think they would be able to keep up better.

So here's the newest story.

I was in the shower this morning thinking about how I really hope we hear back from the lawyer soon so we can officially get the calendar, and then I started thinking about the potential calendar that nurse Hilary sent me and how it said "March 20, take last birth control" and I thought "hmm, I wonder when I'm supposed to START taking birth control? I mean, usually you have to start at a certain point in your cycle, and if I need to be be on it for a certain number of days, I probably should have started it with my last cycle." And then I thought, surely they are staying on top of that. Surely they would have told me to start BC if I was in fact supposed to start it.

But then I kept thinking about it. I went back and read through all my emails to make sure I hadn't missed something. I found the first email that Nurse Hilary sent me with the checklist of things to do. I saw where it talked about how I need to take BC for my sonohysterogram, but then could stop taking it until I started my FET cycle. So I thought - okay I didn't miss anything.  Everything is probably okay. But then, I figured I should go ahead and email Hilary and see what's up...just in case. Just to clear my head about it. And y'all - I felt so guilty about it. I thought "I am probably driving her crazy with all my emails. She is probably sitting there thinking that I don't think she knows how to do her job!"

Low and behold her response was "yes, you need to start it day 2 of your cycle and you have to be on it for 10 days before starting medications." Well, I'll be damned -- the potential calendar says I start medications on March 20. Which means I need to be on BCP by March 10 -- THIS FRIDAY! Which means I need to start my period by Wednesday--THIS WEDNESDAY! It is possible that my period will come by Wednesday. That will be my Cycle Day 20 and my cycles have been known to be that short. I'm also not counting on that happening, because you just never know. So now I'm pissed. Now this could potentially mean a May transfer after all...or having transfer day a few days later than I wanted in April, which will mean me missing work because it won't be over my school break any more. All of this could have been solved when I emailed her weeks ago letting her know that I wanted an earlier transfer date. Then she should have told me I needed to start BCP at my next cycle to be sure I was on them long enough before I would start medication.

So now I pray that my period starts in the next two days. What a freakin' weird thing to pray for, but so be it. And I will never feel weird or guilty about bugging my nurse. Apparently it has to be done to make sure things are moving along.

PS. I also emailed the lawyer to check on things there. For all I know, they've gotten the paperwork from my donor's lawyer and it's just sitting on someone's desk with no sense of urgency.

My Heart---It's Melting

Yesterday, Anadine and I were on our way to soccer practice and she strikes up a conversation that melted my heart. Here's how it went...

A: Mommy, why is Miles's daddy your brother? (Miles is her cousin who lives in DC - they adore each other)

Me: Well, Uncle Jim and I have the same mommy and daddy. We grew up in the same house. Then Uncle Jim became a grown up and had a little boy and a little girl. I grew up and had a little girl - you!

A: And a little boy?

Me: Well, no, unless you count Willie (our dog)

A: But what if you had a little baby and he was a boy?

Me: Then he would be your brother (*feeling a little weepy)

A: Well, I think we should have a baby boy so I can have a brother

Me: Well, that would be wonderful. We'll just have to pray to God and ask him to send us a baby

A: (*puts hands together) Dear God, please give us a baby that's a boy tomorrow. Amen

I just about lost my composure then. It was the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Our conversation continued about how we have to say prayers every day and we may not get what we want exactly when we want it. I explained that I had to pray for God to send her to me for a long time and then finally He answered my prayers. It wasn't exactly when I wanted it to happen, but it was also perfect when it did.

I have this feeling that God will listen to Anadine, more than anyone else. Most people do! ha! She has always had this weird and special connection to God. Ever since she was very tiny, she spoke about God as if He were her best friend. I have no doubt that they became very close as she was waiting to be delivered to me. She is, after all, a miracle made by Him.

Moving Along

We received our contract last week, and spoke with the lawyer yesterday. The contract is pretty basic and covers everything we needed/wanted it to. Basically any future relationship we have with our donor is up to us. The contract gives us the ability to contact her, meet her, continue contact with her, etc. but it also protects us from her ability to have any sort of parental rights to a future child or embryo made with her eggs. One thing I thought was interesting is our first meeting (if we choose to meet) has to be arranged through SDFC. So after egg retrieval, I can't simply request to be her friend on Facebook and continue from there. SDFC has to do the arranging, and the lawyer even mentioned that they may want an official meeting with a psychologist to discuss everything. I actually kind of like that idea. To be honest, I haven't completely decided if I want to meet her or not. I may just want to keep it a strictly emailing/Christmas carding kind of relationship. I just don't know.

But anyway, now the contract goes to her for her to review with her lawyer. Once that's done, assuming nobody has any problems with anything, we can sign off on it and get the green light to move forward with the cycle. The lawyer said that she expects that to happen by next week.

I'm freaking out that our donor is going to back out when she reads the contract. Or maybe something else will happen and she backs out. I'm trying to trust her. It's hard to put trust in someone you've never met before though. I guess that's what faith is all about. I'm just praying that she finds peace in her decision to donate her eggs. Because if she backs out, we're back at square one. Please, angel donor, don't back out on us!

Sonohysterogram scheduled - check!

My cycle started today. It's so funny that those 4 words used to send me into tears and now they mean - yay, we get to move forward with something! So it meant that today I could call and schedule my sonohysterogram with my dear old friend, Dr. Isaacs in Jackson.

I'll be going next Thursday. This is the one part of the whole pre-cycle process that I'm most worried about. Mainly because it's checking my uterus, and my uterus is the one and only thing that has anything to do with me in this cycle. It's essentially the only thing I am in charge of - not that I can actually control what's going on in my uterus, but it just feels like the pressure is on! This is the test I have to pass. Plus I'm a little worried because the last time I had this done is when they found the polyp. And they also said that the blood flow wasn't great. So, yeah, I'm nervous. I've quit caffeine, and I'm doing a cleanse this weekend to hopefully rid myself of any toxins in my body. I doubt this will make any difference other than making me feel like I'm doing something. As I've said before, it's the waiting that's so hard in this whole thing. It just makes me feel helpless. So maybe doing something (whether or not it actually helps) will make me feel like I'm helping along the process in some way.

In other news, my blood work has come back and has been faxed over to San Diego. I assume they'll tell me if there's something wrong with it. I've emailed Nurse Hilary to tell her to expect the results, so hopefully she'll respond soon.

So that's it for now! It's been 2 weeks since our donor had her tests done. So I'm waiting patiently for those results. Waiting...waiting...waiting...