Question 1. If we wanted more information on someone - like more pictures - is that information we could get from you? There's one donor that we are interested in, but her pictures all look like they were taken on the same day, and it's difficult to know what she really looks like.
Her reply: YES, I’m happy to help. Actually, our program manager will be the one to solicit pictures & any additional questions you may have. Please reach out to Sam directly at -------------.
So I emailed Sam and she replied that she contacted the donor about getting more pictures and would let me know when she got a reply. This was on Friday, and we still haven't heard from that donor. More on that later...
Question 2: If we choose a donor who does not want future contact, but we have paid all of these legal fees for an open arrangement, is that money lost? Or are the legal fees the same regardless of the type of contract being issued?
Her reply: There is no additional cost for an anonymous agreement. If you select an anonymous egg donor, I recommend reaching out to Michelle regarding whether she is willing to waive her fee. I’ll contact her office also.
I don't like this answer. I doubt there are additional fees for an anonymous agreement. In fact, I bet it's cheaper. So technically, we would be losing money for choosing an anonymous donor because we've already paid to have an open donor. I guess it doesn't really matter at this point. We're probably talking a couple hundred dollars.
Question 3: Or if we do choose a donor and do an open arrangement contract, do we have to pay another $500 for her debriefing with her lawyer? I know our retainer letter with our lawyer said that they would issue up to one more contract at no extra cost, but it hit me that we may have just paid $500 for our ex-donor to tell her lawyer that she doesn't want to donate anymore.
Her reply: Sounds as though they would work with another donor without additional charges.
It sounds like this is going to be a question for the lawyer, but hopefully they'll work with me.
Question 4: Are the costs of using a proven donor the same as using a new donor in regards to getting her testing completed? Obviously the compensation is different, but again, did we lose money on paying for our last donor to get her testing, counseling, etc. done?
Here reply: Yes, there are no fees to screen a new donor.
Okay...good to know!
Okay so other than all of that, we've just been looking at donors. We've been arguing a bit. There is one girl that Ryan really likes, and I just don't. She's the girl previously mentioned that we're trying to get more pictures of. She actually seems great in a lot of ways, but she just doesn't seem right. For one, she doesn't look like me much at all. She's pretty chubby and has super curly hair. She seems smart, funny (in fact, she's a comedian), and is willing to have future contact, but there's just something that doesn't seem right. And then the fact that she hasn't replied back to Sam's email about more pictures---well that's a deal breaker for me. I need someone who's going to be reliable. Sorry, I've just been burned and I'm not taking any chances. But we have some others that we like. In fact, we found a couple more last night that we both like a lot. Both of them are proven donors though, so they are going to cost more money in compensation. One of them is $1,000 more and the other is $4,000 more. Obviously we can't afford another $4,000, but the thing is she's only completed one cycle, which hasn't even resulted in a positive pregnancy test (the intended parents did a freeze all for a future FET), and she still bumped her compensation up to $9,000 instead of the usual $6,000. I just emailed Jenna to ask what is up with that and I'm hoping someone will tell me that was a mistake, or maybe they can convince the donor to drop her compensation or something...I really like this one a lot, but not for $9,000.
So, we'll see. I'm ready to make a decision and move forward. Ryan is starting to drag his feet a little, which is making me sad. Please keep thinking and praying for us. This is such a tough journey for a marriage. He is a saint for sticking with me through all of this.