WTF

I mean, why is it that when I need my body to actually behave it doesn't? I just started my flippin' period! It's been 16 days since I last started. I wasn't due to start again for another 8 days or so. WTF?!?! So what this means...I'm going to assume nothing right now. CCRM says they want you there between days 4-15 for your work up. This will put me out there on day 17. I'm guessing they want it done during the first part of your cycle just in case you're pregnant. Since that is impossible for me, I'm going to assume it will be okay. I'll put a call in to the nurse to make sure though. Please be okay! I've already booked flights, car rental, and hotel. Not to mention I've found a sub for my class for the two days I'll be out. UGH UGH UGH!! Fingers crossed they don't want me to change it. Or even better, maybe this is just spotting due to ovulation (even though that's never happened to me, and I have cramps, and it's very much like a normal period for me). Sorry if all of this is TMI, I'm just so mad at my body right now!

UPDATE:
I called CCRM and told the nurse what was going on. She said that they could reschedule me for Feb. 2, but it would have to be done by a different doctor. She said she'd have to get that signed off with Dr. Surrey and she'd let me know. I asked her if the reason for the day restrictions were to make sure I wasn't pregnant, and explained that my tubes are tied and deformed, meaning I absolutely can't get pregnant. She didn't really give me an answer, but told me she'd check with Dr. Surrey on all of that. So I had about 45 minutes of freaking out, calling Ryan and crying, panicking about the flight change restrictions, etc. and then she called back. She said we can keep it for the 5th. (*giant sigh of relief!) She said that the one stipulation is that I don't have unprotected intercourse for that cycle. (HUH?) I asked if that's true even if my tubes are tied, yada yada yada, and she said yes. So now, how to explain this to the hubby?? I kind of want to call her bluff on that one. I mean, I feel like she's just repeating what she's been told without thinking it through. Thoughts?

I'm also still kind of hoping that this is some weird fluke and I'll stop bleeding by the end of the day. Then I can just chalk it up to ovulation, increased exercise, and stress.  Don't think I don't find the irony in the fact that I was just complaining about playing the waiting game with nothing to do or think about!

Schedule for the one day work up

Here is the schedule the nurse sent me for our one day work up at CCRM. It's pretty boring stuff, but if someone is looking at doing a work up out there, it might be nice to see the kind of day you might have. It also helps to see the costs of all the tests. 

Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine & Fertility Labs of Colorado

10290 RidgeGate Circle, Lone Tree, Colorado  80124      (303) 788-8300

Name                  Scheduling Date: 1/6/16          

Doctor for MD appts below: Surrey               Per: Tonie                    Cycle Day 1 (est):

Appointments must be within days 5-13 of your cycle, unless otherwise approved by your physician.

We have scheduled the following appointments for you on: Friday February 5^th, 2016

Out of state patients:

We strongly recommend you arrive in Denver the evening prior to your appointments to avoid last minute stress due to a possible flight delay. Denver International Airport is approximately 1 hour of drive time away from CCRM.CCRM strongly suggests that you do not schedule a flight home until 7pm or after.  Due to the number of appointments scheduled as part of your work up, we are not able to reschedule your appointments to accommodate an earlier flight time.

On your appointment day:

Please be sure to pick up a schedule when you check in for your first appointment.  This will assure that any minor appointment time changes are reflected on the schedule you have for the day.

Remember to check in with a receptionist whenever you are ready for your next appointment as scheduled.

Appt.	Time	Test or Consult	Who	Fee
1	6:45
2	7:00	Nurse:  Orientation to IVF at CCRM / required appointment	Couple	Included in pkg.
3	8:30	Baseline Ultrasound + Doppler	Female	$670
4	9:15	Semen Analysis + Antibody Testing   (ASAB)  (+ culture to be billed by outside lab) + Chromatin Assay	Male	*-FLC pymt * $240* male $135* female + $465 for Chromatin Assay (blood  draw with other labs) + culture to be billed by outside lab
5	10:00	Fertility Labs of CO (FLC) Consent Review	Couple	Included in pkg.
6	10:45	Nurse Consultation Donor Nurse	Couple	Included in pkg.
7	11:30	Hysteroscopy	Female	$725
8	11:45	Regroup	Couple	$119
9	12:00
10	12:30	Nurse - IVF Consult Shipping Kit: Y or N Additional fees apply GC/C Collection: Y or N	Couple	Consult included in pkg. Additional shipping kit fee may apply.
11	1:45	Standard or Extended  Workup Labs, Communicable Disease, Genetic Screening Blood Tests GC/CT DNA urine Important: Discuss Genetic Screening Tests with RN prior to blood draw.	Couple	*-FLC pymt. * Standard: $415/male $415/female Extended: $1115 /female $1115/male Other & Genetic:  As recommended by your MD
12	2:30	Psychologist - Donor Recipient Consult	Couple	Included in pkg.
13	3:30	Business Office	Couple
14	4:15

* Fertility Labs of Colorado Charges – FLC is contracted with United Health Care insurance only at this time.

If you have an insurance plan other than United Health Care, or no infertility benefit with United Health Care, lab testing by FLC will be considered “patient pay” and payment is due at time of service.

We will send claim forms to you upon request for you to submit claim to your insurance if applicable.

Please note: neither CCRM nor FLC accept American Express.

This is the standard/mandatory workup.  Based on your history, your physician may recommend additional testing during your visit which may result in additional fees.  Please contact the Business Office with any financial questions. Please note that if you opt to have genetic testing done, there is a $25.00 Good Start Set-up Fee in addition the fees charged by Good Start Genetics.

Test Requirements & Instructions:

ASAB (Anti-Sperm Antibody Test) – 2-5 days abstinence prior to test.    

Baseline Scan/Doppler Ultrasound – Avoid caffeine (coffee, tea, chocolate, etc.) for 3 days/ 72 hours prior to this ultrasound examination. (Caffeine effects blood flow which is measured by Doppler.)

Hysteroscopy – The hysteroscopy can cause some cramping, similar to menstrual cramps, and you may take 800 mg of ibuprofen 1 hour prior to the procedure.  The procedure should be performed when you have a partially full bladder.

Please note:  No tampons or intercourse or submerging in water for 1 week after the procedure.

Denver, the “Mile High City,” is at 5280 feet. Our altitude is high and our humidity is low.   Please be sure to drink plenty of fluids to feel good and be well-hydrated for your blood draw.

As for me, I have some questions to ask about some of these tests that I'm scheduled for. I'm wondering that if we've already done some of them at our previous work up, will we have to do them again? I know they need to do the ultrasounds and hystoroscopy, to check my uterus and baseline follicle count, but do I really need to be tested for HIV again? I'd like to save as much money as possible, and that along with the genetic testing seems like overkill. We've already done all of that, and it all came back negative. I realize it could be possible for someone to contract HIV in five years, but I assure you I have not.

It's also interesting to see all of the restrictions listed below the schedule. I completely forgot about the abstinence from sex for 72 hours, and the no caffeine thing. No caffeine 5 years ago was a big deal and not fun. No caffeine now may be the death of me. I should probably start weening myself off slowly over the next couple of weeks. My morning coffee is what gets me moving!

In other life news, I have a girls' trip planned with my college girlfriends and I am SO EXCITED!! It will be a welcomed break and I cannot wait to see all of my friends, some of whom I haven't seen in years - like maybe 6 years? Crazy! I'll be honest...the no drinking, no caffeine thing - well, it's probably going to start after this weekend.Cheers!

Endless thoughts

Make the thinking stop! I hate this waiting game. I am a planner - type A, OCD, crazy person, planner. I can't help it. It's part of my nature and it's something I have accepted about myself. It drives Ryan crazy because he is the complete opposite. In fact, our fights usually revolve around me having a plan, time frame to get things done, etc. and him, well, not.

Usually, I am proud of my planning tendencies. I am fairly organized and prepared (well, most of the time). But it's what makes times like this, in my world of infertility, so excruciatingly painful. I'm ready to plan. I'm ready to know when we're going to cycle, if we're going to cycle. I'm ready to start the process of choosing a donor, if we have to choose a donor. But none of that can be planned until we know the answers. So now, all that's left to do is wonder and make several plans, all of which probably won't happen the way I plan them, but alas it makes me feel better anyway.

So, all of that is to say that I  have been thinking..a lot. I have been preparing myself for the worst in regards to news we'll get at the work up in February. Call me a pessimist if you want, but it has become my coping strategy. It dates back to that horrible day I found out my tubes were "blocked." I went in there with the idea that it may solve our problems, and came out realizing my problems were far worse than I ever anticipated. And then I got my hopes up for that first IVF since I was so young and "only had a tube problem." After those failures, and finding out I also have an egg problem, I figured out that it's best to never get my hopes up in regards to my fertility. Expect the worst, pray for something better.

So, that leads me to now - I'm expecting them to say I need to use donor eggs. Actually, that wouldn't be the worst thing they could tell me. If I'm truly honest, I could think of several things they could tell me that would be far worse - like my uterus is too damaged to ever carry a baby again - but we just simply won't go there. In fact, I'm just hoping for some clear cut answers. I don't want to go there and them say "well, you might have a chance with your eggs, but we're just not sure." I don't want to have to make the decision. I either want them to say, "yes, we can do this" or "no, we can't."

Okay, I keep getting off track. My whole point of this post is that I am preparing myself for the idea of using donor eggs. I'm trying to get my head wrapped around it, and I'm actually warming up to the idea. I know I won't love the child any less.  There have been studies that show that a fetus actually acquires genetic tissue from the mother while in the womb. That the bonding that happens in the womb far out ways the genetic material from the egg itself. Using donor eggs would mean a much better shot at being pregnant and having second child. We know that for a fact. It would also, most likely, give us enough embryos to freeze to possibly go for a third child later on, if we so desired. Using donor eggs would mean subjecting myself to fewer hormones, less physical pain (no egg retrieval, bloated ovaries, etc), and less time commitment (daily ultrasounds, etc). So, I'm seeing the pros more than the cons.

But, the big con I do see is this: what will other people think? I don't mean what they will think of me. I could care less what they think of me. What will they think of my child - the one that I haven't even conceived yet. Will they compare that child to the biological one that I have? Will they think this child less mine than the one I have? I have already heard comments from some of my family members - who told other family members - and of course it got back to me. They said "I just hope she doesn't go the donor egg route because that's just weird." What a horrible thing to say! What if I do go the donor egg route? Should I take that as you feel awkward around that child? Will you think of him or her as less of your nephew or niece? (yes, it was my brother who apparently said it). I'll be honest. It kind of breaks my heart to think about it. I think I just won't tell anyone. But then I wonder, will I be able to keep that kind of secret? This blog is what helps me get my ideas out and feel support from some of you. Will I have to keep it a secret here, too? Should I just not tell anyone?

Sorry for all of the ramblings. This is seriously what has been going on constantly in my head over the last several weeks. And the annoying thing is, I can't truly answer any of these questions until we get answers ourselves - Feb. 5th. Can it get here already?

One Day Work Up Scheduled

I finally talked to the nurse yesterday and scheduled our one day work up for February 5th. We'll fly out there the day before and stay through the weekend. I'm really excited to have this time with Ryan out there because I feel like he missed out so much on the Colorado experience before. When we went to our egg retrieval 4 years ago, we flew out there Thursday night, ODWU on Friday, and flew out Saturday morning. I got a lot of tourist time when I was out there for the IVF cycle, but he only got to come out for the egg retrieval and bed rest part of it. So it will be nice to have a full day to just piddle around. Plus, now that we have Anadine, it's extra nice to get that time away with each other. She'll stay with my mom in Jackson while we go out there. AND there's an IKEA out there now that wasn't there before. Fun fun! So, I guess until then there won't be much news to post. But I'm getting excited to get some real answers and know what our next steps are.