Wednesday, April 12, 2017

I'm Moving My Blog

When I started this blog years ago, I went with what was easy. But now, I've decided to move on to bigger and better things, and I'm moving it over to Word Press.  The new site is  Please follow it (click the link to get email notifications when I update). It's pretty plain looking right now while I'm trying to figure it all out, but bare with me!

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

What the Embryologist Had to Say

We had our phone call with the embryologist yesterday. Here is what we learned...

1. If we have strong feelings about only transferring one embryo as opposed to two, and if we have strong feelings of having one gender over another, then she strongly suggests PGS testing on a donor egg cycle.

Both of these apply to us. She said that any other donor egg cycle, she would not recommend it, but PGS testing definitely helps with getting a positive pregnancy result the first time.

2. They can do PGS testing on embryos that have already been frozen (ie. if we decided later that we wanted to test embryos that had been frozen) BUT she does NOT recommend it. She said it's pretty rough on the embryos to be frozen, thawed for testing, refrozen, and then re-thawed for transfer.

3. The PGS testing, if done with skilled hands, has little to no affect on the embryos. If it does affect them, it causes no implantation, or perhaps a very early miscarriage. Damaged embryos will not result in say learning disabilities later on.

4. Yes, PGS testing is super expensive - she asked if we had any other questions and Ryan asked "do y'all have any specials going on right now?" She thought that was pretty funny, but the answer is still no.

So we still haven't made a decision. I guess we have a while, except that we need to start getting money together if we decide to do it. I honestly don't know how I'm feeling about it right now. I guess I just pray on it and hope that an answer comes along.

In other news, I emailed Jenna about the $500 to the lawyer. I knew she was out of the office this week, but I hoped that someone checking her emails could help me out. Sure enough, someone named Katie responded to my email and explained that she totally understood. She said that she would contact our lawyer to see what she can do. So now we're just waiting to hear back about that. I hope something can be done. It would be such a relief to win one of our battles!

I just received an email from Katie. Apparently since we requested that another lawyer be used for our donor, there's not much that can be done in regards to their fees. Our lawyer said that she could have asked for a discount of sorts if it was the same lawyer. I replied back and said that I wasn't aware that we had requested another lawyer, but that must have been from the conversation Ryan had with Jenna after our donor backed out on us. It's interesting the things that they remember and the things they don't. So, I guess we owe another $500. I'm getting really frustrated. I just feel so defeated.

Monday, April 10, 2017

I knew this was coming...

So even though we won't have egg retrieval until July, I want to go ahead and get everything needed for legals complete so we don't have to think about it. So I contacted the lawyer, explained that we had found another donor, and asked that we go ahead and start the process. So once she got the go ahead from the clinic, she sent over our retainer letter which we have to sign... along with $500 to pay the new donor's lawyer.


When I read that, I just started crying. I knew it was a possibility, but when I asked Jenna all of those questions, it sounded as though there was hope that we wouldn't be out any money. I just forwarded it to Ryan and said "I want to fight this." The problem is, we don't know who to talk to about it. This is a fee that doesn't go to my lawyer, or SDFC, but to a completely different person with whom I don't have any contact. I decided I was going to email Jenna about it and see if there is ANYTHING she can do - maybe she can talk to the donor's lawyer and explain our situation? But Jenna is out of the office until the end of this week. I just didn't even reply to Alison (the paralegal). I couldn't. I'm just so tired of this mess.

But then she emailed us on Friday to make sure we had gotten her email. I replied to her and said "I'm sorry for my late response. We've been trying to figure out what to do because we weren't expecting to pay another $500 for the donor's attorney - especially since the  last time we paid that $500 our original donor backed out on us. I'll get back to you shortly." It's a little snooty. I feel kinda bad about it...kinda.

In the big picture, $500 isn't all that much. But it's just so frustrating that we completely lost $500 - I mean we paid that other lawyer to do a terrible job last time. It probably took 30 minutes of her time to have a phone conversation and not convince these people that they're freaking out over nothing. So I'm going to complain about that. If nothing else, SDFC should cover the cost for us. Am I being ridiculous?

Today we have a phone call with an embryologist at SDFC. We just have some questions about PGS testing. We're wondering if it's really worth the $4,000, especially since we now have to pay $4,000 extra for our new donor. We originally signed up to do it for "family balancing" - basically we want a boy this time. But we are realizing that $4,000 is a steep price for that kind of thing. So we basically want to find out if we don't do it now, and end up with another girl, could we do it later with our frozen embryos for a third pregnancy? I just felt a little sick to my stomach when I typed those words. Ya'll I'll be 36 in September - a THIRD pregnancy?! And I have had so many people tell me - "Another girl would not be the end of the world," "Girls are great - boys are gross," "But Anadine would love a sister." Yes, I understand all of this. But when you can't get pregnant easily, when you are 35 trying to have your second child, and when you have been through everything in the world to have a baby and you are simply trying to find any positive in the situation (and, yes, maybe gender selection could be that positive) then you have to consider it. I know the other side, too... Maybe we're playing God too much. If we could get pregnant easily, the idea of having another girl would not hinder us from trying again. These are the debates we have back and forth all the time. I'm leaning more towards not having the testing done, but I'm also the frugal one.

I mean, y'all, we are crunching numbers right now. We found out we owe over $2,000 in taxes this year. Now we have this giant loan, added costs, and have to find the cash to get out to San Diego when it's time. I wish I could just win the lottery. Or get a huge raise. Or get invited to ELLEN! HA! I mean, where's Oprah when you need her?!