I can't believe we're doing this again

I just sent this email to Jenna - the donor coordinator. I could not sleep last night with all of these questions floating around in my head. That, and Ryan and I were up until past midnight narrowing down girls on the database. And all of those emotions popped back up again...are we looking for someone like me or are we looking for someone who will make a super baby? He seems to want a super baby - like let's look at girls who made over 2000 on their SAT. And I think "but I didn't score well at all on my SAT and I think I turned out pretty good. Oh yeah, and so did our kid that was made with my DNA." He also has in his head that we're having a boy, so all of these girls who are 5'10 are his top picks.  Well, I stand at an average 5'5 (and a half, maybe). I don't need some giant kid! 

But then I think maybe I'm being too picky. Maybe none of this stuff matters, and I should just go with my gut. I don't know. I feel, as I said in my email to Jenna, drained in more ways than one.  And I just started crying again as I typed that sentence.

Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period. The PMS signs are at an all time high right now. Oh the irony...we would have been right on track for an April 14th transfer after all.

Here's the email: 

Good morning,

We aren't interested in using the donor you suggested, so you can put her back in the database. We are narrowing down our favorites and should have a decision made soon. I do have a few questions though...

1. If we wanted more information on someone - like more pictures - is that information we could get from you? There's one donor that we are interested in, but her pictures all look like they were taken on the same day, and it's difficult to know what she really looks like.

2. If we choose a donor who does not want future contact, but we have paid all of these legal fees for an open arrangement, is that money lost? Or are the legal fees the same regardless of the type of contract being issued? 

Or if we do choose a donor and do an open arrangement contract, do we have to pay another $500 for her debriefing with her lawyer? I know our retainer letter with our lawyer said that they would issue up to one more contract at no extra cost, but it hit me that we may have just paid $500 for our ex-donor to tell her lawyer that she doesn't want to donate anymore. 

3. Are the costs of using a proven donor the same as using a new donor in regards to getting her testing completed? Obviously the compensation is different, but again, did we lose money on paying for our last donor to get her testing, counseling, etc. done? 

I hate that most of these questions deal with money, but we are really running on low at this point. I feel drained in more ways than I can count. :) 

Thanks for your help. And I apologize if these questions should be directed elsewhere, I just thought I'd start with you.

Thanks,