You really have to be your own advocate

I continue to find that I have to keep up with my own sh** when dealing with SDFC. I really don't know how anyone goes through their first cycle of anything and gets it right the first time when using them. I am constantly emailing my nurse to ask if I need to be doing anything and her response is kind of like "well, yeah actually you are." I get that they have a million patients and can't keep up with everyone's story, but when dealing with someone like me, who is emailing every other day to give updates, ask questions, etc., you would think they would be able to keep up better.

So here's the newest story.

I was in the shower this morning thinking about how I really hope we hear back from the lawyer soon so we can officially get the calendar, and then I started thinking about the potential calendar that nurse Hilary sent me and how it said "March 20, take last birth control" and I thought "hmm, I wonder when I'm supposed to START taking birth control? I mean, usually you have to start at a certain point in your cycle, and if I need to be be on it for a certain number of days, I probably should have started it with my last cycle." And then I thought, surely they are staying on top of that. Surely they would have told me to start BC if I was in fact supposed to start it.

But then I kept thinking about it. I went back and read through all my emails to make sure I hadn't missed something. I found the first email that Nurse Hilary sent me with the checklist of things to do. I saw where it talked about how I need to take BC for my sonohysterogram, but then could stop taking it until I started my FET cycle. So I thought - okay I didn't miss anything.  Everything is probably okay. But then, I figured I should go ahead and email Hilary and see what's up...just in case. Just to clear my head about it. And y'all - I felt so guilty about it. I thought "I am probably driving her crazy with all my emails. She is probably sitting there thinking that I don't think she knows how to do her job!"

Low and behold her response was "yes, you need to start it day 2 of your cycle and you have to be on it for 10 days before starting medications." Well, I'll be damned -- the potential calendar says I start medications on March 20. Which means I need to be on BCP by March 10 -- THIS FRIDAY! Which means I need to start my period by Wednesday--THIS WEDNESDAY! It is possible that my period will come by Wednesday. That will be my Cycle Day 20 and my cycles have been known to be that short. I'm also not counting on that happening, because you just never know. So now I'm pissed. Now this could potentially mean a May transfer after all...or having transfer day a few days later than I wanted in April, which will mean me missing work because it won't be over my school break any more. All of this could have been solved when I emailed her weeks ago letting her know that I wanted an earlier transfer date. Then she should have told me I needed to start BCP at my next cycle to be sure I was on them long enough before I would start medication.

So now I pray that my period starts in the next two days. What a freakin' weird thing to pray for, but so be it. And I will never feel weird or guilty about bugging my nurse. Apparently it has to be done to make sure things are moving along.

PS. I also emailed the lawyer to check on things there. For all I know, they've gotten the paperwork from my donor's lawyer and it's just sitting on someone's desk with no sense of urgency.

My Heart---It's Melting

Yesterday, Anadine and I were on our way to soccer practice and she strikes up a conversation that melted my heart. Here's how it went...

A: Mommy, why is Miles's daddy your brother? (Miles is her cousin who lives in DC - they adore each other)

Me: Well, Uncle Jim and I have the same mommy and daddy. We grew up in the same house. Then Uncle Jim became a grown up and had a little boy and a little girl. I grew up and had a little girl - you!

A: And a little boy?

Me: Well, no, unless you count Willie (our dog)

A: But what if you had a little baby and he was a boy?

Me: Then he would be your brother (*feeling a little weepy)

A: Well, I think we should have a baby boy so I can have a brother

Me: Well, that would be wonderful. We'll just have to pray to God and ask him to send us a baby

A: (*puts hands together) Dear God, please give us a baby that's a boy tomorrow. Amen

I just about lost my composure then. It was the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Our conversation continued about how we have to say prayers every day and we may not get what we want exactly when we want it. I explained that I had to pray for God to send her to me for a long time and then finally He answered my prayers. It wasn't exactly when I wanted it to happen, but it was also perfect when it did.

I have this feeling that God will listen to Anadine, more than anyone else. Most people do! ha! She has always had this weird and special connection to God. Ever since she was very tiny, she spoke about God as if He were her best friend. I have no doubt that they became very close as she was waiting to be delivered to me. She is, after all, a miracle made by Him.

Moving Along

We received our contract last week, and spoke with the lawyer yesterday. The contract is pretty basic and covers everything we needed/wanted it to. Basically any future relationship we have with our donor is up to us. The contract gives us the ability to contact her, meet her, continue contact with her, etc. but it also protects us from her ability to have any sort of parental rights to a future child or embryo made with her eggs. One thing I thought was interesting is our first meeting (if we choose to meet) has to be arranged through SDFC. So after egg retrieval, I can't simply request to be her friend on Facebook and continue from there. SDFC has to do the arranging, and the lawyer even mentioned that they may want an official meeting with a psychologist to discuss everything. I actually kind of like that idea. To be honest, I haven't completely decided if I want to meet her or not. I may just want to keep it a strictly emailing/Christmas carding kind of relationship. I just don't know.

But anyway, now the contract goes to her for her to review with her lawyer. Once that's done, assuming nobody has any problems with anything, we can sign off on it and get the green light to move forward with the cycle. The lawyer said that she expects that to happen by next week.

I'm freaking out that our donor is going to back out when she reads the contract. Or maybe something else will happen and she backs out. I'm trying to trust her. It's hard to put trust in someone you've never met before though. I guess that's what faith is all about. I'm just praying that she finds peace in her decision to donate her eggs. Because if she backs out, we're back at square one. Please, angel donor, don't back out on us!